I CAN MOONWALK!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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