I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
