She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
