This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
