i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize