I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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