you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
