You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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