i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
