I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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