Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
