i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
