Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
