Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
