I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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