I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
