tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just pee around me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
