the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
