My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
