it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
