thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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