i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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