I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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