I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize