K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
