Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
