babies were throwing up all over the place
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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