After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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