I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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