my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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