at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
