Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
