i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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