he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
