Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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