you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
