I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
