i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
