Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize