Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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