We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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