Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
