Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How does one acquire holy water?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
