Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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