We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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