ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
