you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
