Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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