Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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