first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
