Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize