Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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