I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
