Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
that is very illegal...i love you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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