Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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