i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
