Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
