I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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