called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
