do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
