I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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