I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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