he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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