Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
