Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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