I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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