So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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