she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
