how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
